It hurts to be reminded of the things you do not want to remember, of the trauma that they caused you.
It may be the killer who murdered your beloved, the gunman who open fired at your school, the once trusted man you had but sexually abused you, the well-known volcano that ruined your hometown, or maybe some relatives, family members, and/or friends you severed ties with.
It can be the social media wherein people witnessed criticisms about you.
Whatever it is, avoiding such trigger for some time would help, but sooner or later, you would have to face it and be able to handle it.
Everyday, I ponder what would happen to me when my doctor would have to tell me to stop taking antidepressants.
For now, I am completely aware that I am functioning well because of the drug. I am able to work, socialize, hang out in different places, do house chores, etc. because the drug is effective in making me numb to my negative feelings.
But to clarify, it does not only make me numb to negative feelings but also to positive ones.
I am like a zombie, living, with no emotions. The antidepressant acts like an anaesthesia, numbing me emotionally, only to send me down once its effects wear off.
And no, I don’t think taking the drug for a lifetime is a solution. For now, it is, until I learn how to handle these triggers without crashing me.
Moving forward in life is never easy, but we have God to help us. It is important also to have a strong support system to remind us of who we are, that our identity is not hooked with whoever or whatever we encountered in our lives.
Tragic events really happen, but life has so much more to offer than that. There are two kinds of mess, one that life creates and one that we, ourselves, create.
But whichever of that we are in, we always have the choice to get back on our feet and take the first step to move forward.
Only we can choose for ourselves. Medications and mental health professionals may be there, but it takes willingness for us to recover.
It takes forgiveness of other people, or even ourselves, to accept things. It takes realizing that nobody and nothing in this world is our own, if it is a loss that we are dealing with.
It takes faith to say yes, I am moving on with life, with the God who created it.
It takes trust in Him to face these triggers and begin to see them no longer as triggers but a memory of what made us stronger, because without them happening, we would never have realized how strong we really are.