More than a decade ago, that is exactly how long my heart was caught by this guy whom I saw as a partner material — a man of faith, street-smart, simple, hardworking.
I didn’t have romantic feelings for him, but over the years, I have always admired him. I saw him as a friend, an older brother, and I could only wish that someday, I get to meet someone like him.
He already migrated and we have lost communication for quite some time.
Many things have happened to me and it was really because of that that I had to battle with depression everyday.
Regular visits to the doctor / therapist, and taking antidepressants, as well as talking to my family and friends, these have been my new normal since I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder.
I was pleading to God to give me a reason to live, to love life. Everyday, I just kept crying. I felt so hopeless. Everyday, I had to force myself to go to work, only because I need to get paid, to buy my basic needs. I was no longer motivated, despite that I am working for a company which I really consider as almost perfect, if not perfect.
They provide a good package, and more than that, a good environment, even good bosses. But my depression has been eating me up.
I felt I lost all my dreams, my ambitions. I lost all reasons to make myself want to breathe.
Then this guy, whom I had always admired over the years, suddenly chatted me, out of the blue.
Long story short, we started online dating. That’s more 10 years of me hoping to find someone LIKE him, but poof! There was him. As in him.
And this might be trivial for some, but for me, I consider it as God’s provision. I consider it as God’s way of reminding me that He knows the desires of my heart and that He takes notes of each of them. It was God telling me that I have a reason to hope, to want to live, because not everything was lost.
And should he came years ago, I don’t know if I would have the same appreciation and gratefulness I have right now.
God’s timing was never too early, and never too late. He’s always on time.