I’m back to blogging after quite a long time. And yeah, perhaps when you read this post, you may think either I spiraled down again or was already improving amid my depression, thus the break.
But honestly, I have no answer. It’s just that all I know right now is that I am not the same as who I was before.
I still have a lot of down times right now but I try my best to do other stuff instead of antidepressants. I actually stopped taking the medicine a month ago without informing my psychiatrist. And no, don’t imitate me, it’s not really proper to just stop taking a maintenance drug without a doctor’s approval.
But anyway, I can see myself right now doing better. I have energy to do work and study. Although there are times that the reality, such as the postponed plans brought by the COVID-19 pandemic, would hit me. I cannot help but ask if there is still such hope. Why am I even taking up a course in graduate school when I am just homebound, cannot go anywhere else, and I work only just to have something to live on from day to day.
Yet, God reminds me that He is our Hope. With Him, we have a bright future. We may not understand the times, but He knows everything.
Going back, I realized that improvement does not mean there would be no down times. Improvement means you already know what to do, how to cope up, in your down moments. You can already handle yourself, not perfectly maybe, but at least you know it’s not the same as before.
You know why you need to keep striving despite the hardships. You know there’s a wonderful thing waiting for you in the end, a light at the end of the tunnel as they say.
Improvement means you know how to pick yourself up when you fall. You know how to stand many times. And if you can relate to what I am saying, just keep it up. Keep improving.
Don’t give up.